The Power Of Turning Toward Each Other
The Gottman Method
In the realm of couples therapy, the Gottman Method stands out as a highly effective approach for enhancing communication, resolving conflict, and fostering intimacy. Central to this method is the concept of "turning toward" each other – a simple yet profound practice that can transform the dynamics of a relationship. In this blog post, we'll delve into the principles of the Gottman Method and explore how turning toward each other can strengthen the connection between partners.
Understanding the Gottman Method
Developed by renowned psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method is grounded in decades of research on what makes relationships succeed or fail. Through their extensive studies, the Gottmans identified key predictors of relationship stability and satisfaction, including the quality of communication, emotional responsiveness, and the ability to navigate conflict constructively.
The Power of Turning Toward Each Other
One of the fundamental principles of the Gottman Method is the concept of bids for connection. Bids can be verbal or nonverbal attempts to connect with your partner, such as sharing a story, asking for advice, or offering a hug. How partners respond to each other's bids – whether they turn toward, turn away, or turn against – has a significant impact on the overall health of the relationship.
Turning toward each other involves actively engaging with your partner's bids for connection, demonstrating attentiveness, empathy, and responsiveness. It's about being present, attuned, and supportive in both mundane moments and meaningful interactions. When partners consistently turn toward each other, they build a strong foundation of trust, emotional intimacy, and mutual respect.
Here are some practical ways to incorporate the practice of turning toward each other into your relationship:
Be Present - Make a conscious effort to be fully present and attentive when your partner reaches out to you, whether it's through conversation, gestures, or expressions of affection. Put aside distractions and show genuine interest in what they have to say.
Respond Positively - Respond to your partner's bids for connection with enthusiasm, encouragement, and validation. Even if you're busy or preoccupied, acknowledge their attempts to reach out and let them know that you value their presence and input.
Show Affection - Physical touch is a powerful way to express love and connection. Offer hugs, kisses, and other forms of affectionate touch throughout the day to reinforce your bond and reassure your partner of your affection.
Practice Active Listening - Listen attentively to your partner's thoughts, feelings, and concerns without judgment or defensiveness. Reflect back what you hear, validate their experiences, and express empathy and understanding.
Seek Common Ground - Look for opportunities to find common interests, goals, and experiences that you can share with your partner. Whether it's trying a new activity together or simply spending quality time in each other's company, find ways to strengthen your connection and create shared memories.
Turning toward each other is a powerful practice that can transform the dynamics of a relationship and cultivate a deep sense of connection and intimacy between partners. By actively engaging with each other's bids for connection, demonstrating attentiveness, empathy, and responsiveness, couples can strengthen their bond and create a foundation for a fulfilling and lasting partnership. Incorporate these principles of the Gottman Method into your relationship, and watch as the quality of your connection deepens and grows over time.
Written By: Crystin Nichols MS, RMFTI
