Fix A Sexless Marriage
How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (If It Needs Fixing)
For many couples, sex isn’t just about physical intimacy, it’s also about emotional closeness, playfulness, and feeling desired. When sex becomes infrequent or disappears altogether, it can leave one or both partners feeling lonely, rejected, or disconnected.
But here’s the truth: not every sexless marriage is broken, and not every couple needs to “fix” it. The real question is whether both partners are satisfied with the level of intimacy they share.
When Does a Marriage Become “Sexless”?
Experts often define a sexless marriage as one where sex happens fewer than 10 times per year. But labels can be misleading. What really matters is not the number of times you’re having sex — it’s whether both partners feel content with the intimacy in their relationship.
Some couples thrive with very little sex. Others feel deeply unfulfilled if physical intimacy isn’t a regular part of their bond. The issue arises when there’s a mismatch in desire and the unspoken needs lead to resentment, frustration, or distance.
Do All Sexless Marriages Need Fixing?
The short answer is no. If both partners feel connected, safe, and fulfilled without regular sex, there’s nothing to fix.
But if one partner is longing for more intimacy — physical, emotional, or both — the absence of sex can become a source of pain and disconnection. In those cases, it’s not about fixing the marriage to “measure up” to some societal standard. It’s about exploring whether the current dynamic is serving both people.
Why Marriages Become Sexless
There are many reasons intimacy may decline, including:
Stress and fatigue from work or parenting
Health issues or medications that affect libido
Emotional disconnection or unresolved conflict
Different desire levels between partners
Trauma or past experiences with sex
Routine and predictability dulling passion over time
It’s important to remember: a sexless marriage doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It means there’s something asking for attention.
Steps Toward Rebuilding Intimacy
If you or your partner feel unhappy with the state of your sexual connection, here are some steps that can help you move forward:
1. Start With Honest Conversations
Talk about how you feel without blame. Instead of saying, “You never want sex,” try, “I miss feeling close to you and I’d love to talk about our intimacy.”
Focus on feelings and needs rather than criticism.
2. Reconnect Emotionally First
For many couples, emotional closeness is the doorway to physical intimacy. Spend time together outside of stress and routine. Small gestures — hand-holding, eye contact, gentle touch — can rebuild a sense of safety and affection.
3. Take Pressure Off the Bedroom
Sometimes, the pressure to “fix” sex makes it even harder. Explore intimacy outside of intercourse: cuddling, massages, kissing, or simply lying close together. Let your body relearn comfort and connection without performance expectations.
4. Get Curious About Desire
Desire is complex. For some, it’s spontaneous; for others, it builds with time, context, and emotional safety. Explore what each of you needs to feel turned on and connected. These conversations can be deeply vulnerable — but also deeply healing.
5. Address the Bigger Picture
If stress, resentment, or unspoken conflicts are draining intimacy, work on those areas directly. Sometimes a sexless marriage is a symptom, not the root issue.
6. Seek Professional Support
A couples therapist or sex therapist can help you navigate sensitive conversations, rebuild connection, and explore strategies that honor both partners’ needs. Sometimes, having a neutral space makes it easier to uncover what’s really going on.
A sexless marriage is not automatically a failed marriage. What matters most is whether both partners feel connected, understood, and cared for.
If you and your partner long to bring intimacy back, the path begins with compassion, honesty, and curiosity…not blame. And if you both feel at peace with less sex, then your marriage may already be exactly where it needs to be.
The heart of the matter isn’t the frequency of sex. It’s whether your relationship nourishes both of you - body, mind, and soul.
As a couples therapist based in Lakeland, Florida, I offer personalized counseling services to help couples strengthen their relationships. If you feel that professional help could benefit your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out! If you're looking for something more personalized, I invite you to contact me for a consultation or book a session. Together, we can work towards building a more intentional and fulfilling relationship.
Written By: Crystin Nichols MS, RMFTI
